


Squeeze Once For Yes

by MrsKissyT



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Not Beta Read, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 16:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17665964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsKissyT/pseuds/MrsKissyT
Summary: You’re sat on your bed in the dark, staring out your window at the street below, waiting. It’s been three hours since you got home from the Kane’s, and you haven’t even started crying yet. Haven’t even begun to process it yet, because if he’s not here with that look in his eyes that asks “Why, Ronnie, why,” then it can’t possibly be true.





	Squeeze Once For Yes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Irma66](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irma66/gifts).



> In honor of Irma66's birthday, this fic is dedicated to her. I would not have found the confidence to continue writing if it weren't for her constant encouragement and patience. She's become a very dear friend, and I am forever grateful to Veronica Mars for bringing her into my life.
> 
> Happy Birthday, OG! <3
> 
> This fic is entirely raw and unbetad - OG, please don't hate me for the em-dashes. :P

You’re sat on your bed in the dark, staring out your window at the street below, waiting. It’s been three hours since you got home from the Kane’s, and you haven’t even started crying yet. Haven’t even begun to process it yet, because if _he’s_ not here with that look in his eyes that asks “Why, Ronnie, why,” then it can’t _possibly_ be true. It’s all one big sick joke she’s playing on her mother, finally forcing the Ice Queen to show _some_ sort of emotion for her daughter other than disappointment.

All of a sudden he’s standing there in your doorway, the street light coming through your window just bright enough to make him visible. And you think, _Wow, I must be really out of it,_ because _he’s_ here and you didn’t even see him drive up.

He stumbles into your room like he’s drunk - he’s not, your mother taught you how to tell - and falls to his knees when he reaches your bed. He’s got _that look_ , and you can feel your stomach bottom out because: NO. No…

The two of you have always excelled at silent communication - it drove your significant other’s crazy - and you have the dreaded conversation with your eyes. _Is it true? Yes. Are you sure? Yes, I saw her. Who would do this? I don’t know, but my dad will find them and make them pay. Why, Ronnie, Why? I don’t know, Logan. I don’t know._

You pull him up onto your bed, wrapping your arms around his large torso - he’s way to big for the small space, but somehow you make it work. You both sob while holding onto each other, trying to bury yourselves in one another as deeply as you possibly can without actually crossing a line. Time becomes relative and soon the dawn has arrived and your curled around each other, your oversized unicorn blanket Lilly gave you for Christmas covering you both.

You’ve got Logan’s hand in yours and he’s looking at you like you could be his salvation - or something - and you know he’s asking you if everything’s gonna be OK. You squeeze his hand once for yes, positive that you’re lying to him, this boy that means the world to you, possibly more than your ex ever did (but _never_ more than Lilly). Because you have no idea if anything will be OK anymore, but for him, you’re willing to try and make it so.

* * *

  
The funeral is everything you expect it to be - grand and full of stuffy nosed people you _know_ Lilly knew nothing about. The opulent cathedral is the place to be, if you’re anyone important in Neptune, and you wish you were anywhere else but here.

You file inside behind your parents, who are immediately whisked into the folds of the other Balboa County Sheriff’s officers present, leaving you standing alone. You barely have time to take it all in, before you feel a strong hand on your own as it pulls you behind a large pillar that lines the walls.

Your back now flush with it, you look up to find Logan, immaculate in Valentino - which you know because it was Lilly’s favorite designer, and if you could afford it, you would’ve worn the same. He’s looking around nervously, before his eyes meet yours and he leans in to whisper, “Come with me. Please.”

His eyes are pleading and you can’t think of a reason to say no. You squeeze the hand you’re still holding once for yes and then suddenly find yourself on other side of the church wall.

Catching your bearings, you take in your surroundings. Before you is a lush rose garden surrounded by tall ivy walls, a trellis just steps away, leading inside the cloisters. “The Secret Garden, how quaint.” you mumble as you cross the threshold, and Logan slightly smiles to himself at the quote.

Lilly used to tease Logan for his undying love of that book, always mocking how quaint it was every time it was brought up. Which was often, because it was assigned reading for both ninth and tenth grade. It was reassuring to know that the two of you could still reminisce the good times, even when you were about to watch the most important person to you both be lowered into the ground.

He pulls you to a bench surrounded by deep red roses, and pulls out a flask with something you’re sure will make you swallow your teeth. He lifts it to his lips and takes a long, slow drink, catching your eyes when he brings it down.

He extends his arm in offering, and that silent conversation you’re both so good at picks up again. _It’s OK, Ronnie. I can’t, my Dad will kill me. I swear I won’t tell. Promise? Yes. For Lilly? For Lilly._

After three swigs, your teeth feel like they’re swimming. This stuff is _strong_ . For the briefest moment, you wonder if _this_ is why your Mother drinks - for the weightlessness that shoots to your head, as your mind begins to slow down.

The thought is fleeting though, as you reach over and take the leather flask from Logan before he can drink the last of it. He’s far too deep in his own drunken state to care, and you think that if the gut wrenching emotions you’ve buried deep down can go away with this stuff, then maybe Logan’s really onto something by staying permanently plastered.

* * *

 

It’s been three weeks since... _since_ , and you’ve somehow managed to cope while at school. It was hard being bombarded with questions at first, but with Logan’s help, you’d been able to get the student body to back off. He hasn’t been around as much over the last week, though - when you called him last night and he hesitated to answer; unfortunately, you knew what that meant.

As your mother pulls up to the school a sudden wave of panic overcomes you, when you see a large group of people lined up just outside school grounds, holding signs that say “Justice for Lilly!” What really gets you are the giant pictures of the girl you loved more than anyone, (more than your own _family_ ), her green eyes piercing into you like daggers straight to the heart.

The car comes to a stop, but you’re completely paralyzed in your seat. They’ve spotted your mother and have begun yelling at you both - she’s been to enough smaller charity functions as the Sheriff’s wife, she’s recognizable. She’s urging you to get out of the car. “Just go, sweetheart. The sooner you get inside, the sooner you can forget they're here.” She sounds like she’s convincing herself too, which isn’t reassuring.

The vibration of your phone pulls you out of your stupor. _???_ is the message you get from him. Looking out the window, you spot him standing at the end of the locker hall, his gaze also fixed on the angry crowd. That’s all it takes for you to put on your big girl pants and get out of the car. He’s here, and he won’t let anything happen.

You sprint towards him - you’ve always been a fast runner - when Duncan steps out from behind him, bringing you to a halt in the middle of the parking lot. You haven’t seen him since the funeral - his mother didn’t think school was the proper environment for him, apparently - and you still aren’t quite sure where you stand. Lilly and Logan had both told you to forget about the boy you thought was your future, but it’s hard to let your dream life with him go.

He looks at you briefly, before whispering into Logan’s ear, then disappearing back into the school. It hurts like hell, knowing he’s running from you, but then someone from the angry mob yells out profanities about your dad, and you scurry to Logan, attempting to squeeze yourself into his side in hiding, as he turns and leads you back into the school.

His arm is around your shoulders as you approach your lockers, which isn’t anything new. Even before, he always did that, and it usually made you feel safe. Lilly understood that, and never fussed. But for some reason, today felt different. Being here next to him didn’t feel normal. It may have been what was happening outside, but the tension you could feel rolling off of him in waves was making you uneasy. Letting go of him to grab your books, you weren’t quite sure what to say.

Once ready, you both headed towards your respective first periods - no longer with his arm around you. Not happy with the negative energy you were picking up from him, you grabbed one of his hands with both of yours before you separated into your respective classrooms, causing him to look down at you.

You search his eyes - they are glassy but hard, full of angst that you hadn’t noticed until now. “What’s wrong? Are you OK?” you ask, becoming worried when all you pick up from him is trepidation.

His eyes roam over your face for a moment, before blinking multiple times as he pulls his hand out of yours. “Why, Ronnie? Why _him_?” he’s demanding harshly, and you’re thrown because you have no idea what he’s talking about. He hasn’t been angry with you like this since Yolanda. You shake your head in confusion “Why _what_? Why _who_?” He frowns and begins to turn away.

Instinct tells you not to let him go, so you grab his hand again and pull his gaze back to you. “Are we OK _?”_ He frowns before turning away, dropping your hand again before heading into his classroom. That same feeling of panic you had earlier begins to wash over you again - something here is _not_ right. This time, he didn’t squeeze once for yes.

It isn’t until third period that you figure out why. The Sheriff has publicly accused Jake Kane of murdering your best friend.

* * *

 

The shit has hit the fan at home - your mother has been between crying and screaming at your dad for his decisions about Lilly’s case. There are calls within the community for your Dad to step down; who would ever think Jake Kane was capable of such a heinous crime?

You smile and nod when you dad tries to reassure you on the way to school, that your mother is just going through something, and everything is going to be alright. _“_ Don’t worry sweetheart, everything will be back to normal, soon. _”_ If only you had someone to confide in.

You haven’t spoken to Logan all week. He’s been avoiding you at school and dodging your calls, and it’s beyond frustrating because without him around, you haven’t had anyone to vent to.

Your so-called friends - Madison, Shelley, Kimmy - have shunned you from the 09er lunch table, which is ridiculous because once upon a time _they_ weren’t allowed to sit there either, until you’d put in a good word for Madison with Lilly. Duncan is there, too, but he’s utterly useless. He never acknowledges you’re there, and if your eyes do meet, he immediately runs away.

You’ve begun to hear the whispers and laughing as you walk through the halls, and begin to worry they are about you. That fear is realized when you get to your locker, and SLUT is written across it in permanent ink.The look on your face must have been quite a sight, because now there’s a crowd gathering behind you, all of the students laughing loudly at you.

You have no idea what you did to deserve this, but when you hear them yelling - ”Careful, she may call the Sheriff and he’ll find another 09er to arrest! _” -_ you begin to understand that this is because of what your dad has done to Jake Kane.

You don’t like what’s happened with Lilly’s dad anymore than the next person, but you trust _your_ Dad to do what is right. He knows how much Lilly meant to you, she was practically his second child, too. He would never do something to jeopardize her case. There _had_ to be a reason he’s doing this.

Crying now, as you attempt to scrub off the nasty word with a tissue, you see a familiar tall figure in your peripheral vision. You turn to look, catching only the back of him as he pivots and walks the other way.

Abandoning your cleaning attempt, you run for the bathroom, locking yourself in a stall and cry until you hit exhaustion. He was _there_. He saw and he didn’t do anything to help. He could have stopped it, but he didn’t. You hope this doesn’t mean you’re losing Logan, too.

* * *

 

Hiding between the shelves in the non fiction section of the library, you’re sat on the floor attempting to study in peace. It’s been two weeks since the first graffiti incident, and things have only gotten worse.

The tires on your new/used car have been slashed multiple times - your dad decided it was better that you drove yourself from now on, trying to separate you from him and the case. You can’t walk anywhere without being laughed at. You’re crying all the time now, and you hate it because those jerks don’t deserve your tears, but you just can’t help it.

Logan has become just like Duncan, not even acknowledging your existence anymore. You don’t know how much more breaking your heart can survive. After Lilly, Logan was the person you thought you could always count on. You _really_ don’t understand why he’s holding your dad’s actions against you.

You’ve seen him a few times as a bystander, watching you as you struggle to clean up whatever mess was left for you on your locker. You always try to catch his eyes, but he never looks directly at you, anymore. He probably knows your eyes would be screaming at him for being such a jackass.

You hear a commotion by the computers, some gasps and sounds of shock. You think little of it, until “Is that Lilly Kane? _”,_ is said loudly, and suddenly you’re running like a bat out of hell towards the computer stations.

There she is, your best friend and person you wish more than anything was standing next to you now, instead of contorted on her back with blood gushing from her head. You’ve seen her like this every night in your dreams since you first found her by the pool. But this is so much worse.

You feel like you’re back there, the night she died, staring down at her _screaming_ her name while your dad tries to hold you back from reaching out and touching her. “Why, Daddy, why? I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

Your eyes begin to well up with tears, this time from absolute anger, because who would do this? Who would release this? Your dad will most assuredly get the blame, though you’re positive he had no idea about this.

You rush back to gather your things before ditching the rest of the day and heading home to warn him. You don’t get very far though, as you stop at the sight of Logan standing in front of you.

His face is full of anguish, and when your eyes meet his tear-filled ones, you don’t even need the silent conversation to know he’s seen the video. “So does your, uh, does your dad still think that Lilly’s father did this? That’s my girlfriend. Your friend. Duncan’s sister.”

You don’t break eye contact, but you’re blanking on anything to say. This isn’t what you were expecting. How could he think you don’t know that? How could he think you haven’t been agonizing over this too? But what else can you do, but trust your dad and his instincts as a seasoned officer? “Your dad is destroying the Kane family. What’s the matter with you people, huh? What’s the matter with you? _”_

He’s shaking his head in disgust at you, at _you,_ before turning and walking away. You’re left there, gobsmacked, because how _dare_ he? You loved Lilly and thought the world of Jake Kane - and he did too, but this was bigger than that. Someone was out to discredit your father for just doing his job, and you were being blamed in the process.

And yeah, the taunting and bullying and harassment at school, sucked. It downright hurt. But it was all misplaced, and you would have thought _Logan_ of all people would’ve understood that. You are _not_ your father.

Logan, better than anyone, knew what that meant.

* * *

 

The white dress, the last dress Lilly ever helped you pick out, is laying across your bed. Your mother has bailed, you assumed being drunk twenty-four-seven finally took its toll on her. Too ashamed to continue being the now ex-Sheriff’s wife, she’s left you with no one to fill the void of Lilly by helping you get ready. You’ve been going back and forth for the last three days, unsure if you should go through with your plan or not.

After running into Logan in the library, your hurt and grief over how you’d been treated became determination and anger. You never let anyone push you around before. You knew you were a bit naive, you were reminded of that constantly, but you had been best friends with Lilly Kane, the most coveted position in Neptune High 09erdom. You never had to take shit from anyone then, and you certainly didn’t need to now.

Lilly would want you to be strong for her. _You be your fabulous self, Veronica Mars._ She would remind you that you were better than them, and they’d learn soon enough. It was because of this that you’d considered Shelley’s party as the place to show them.

As you park your car in the driveway, you take a deep breath and exhale slowly, pushing out those nerves and gathering all the confidence you possess before stepping out of the car. Head high, you approach the back gate.

You slip inside undetected, which is just fine with you, but your courage begins to falter when you see everyone whispering to each other as you make your way through the crowds. As you approach the back patio, you see Logan schmoozing some freshman hanger-on at the bar

The anger you’ve been festering towards him begin to build. All these people calling you names and making lewd comments, and he’s here, back to acting like the King of the 09ers again, laughing and flirting and charming the pants off everyone. He catches your eye and smirks, and you know what that means. He’s putting up a front but he’s still mad as hell at you. “Come to worm your way back into the 09ers, Mars? Don't get your hopes up.” And _that. is. it_.

You’re up in his space grabbing at his shirt to pull him down to your level as you shove your finger in his face. “Take it back.” Your eyes meet and you can see the turmoil in his eyes. His breath is ragged, as is yours but you are just so mad at him for treating you like scum.

He huffs out a laugh at your aggressiveness, until you shove him back against the bar. You can tell by the look on his face that he’s just realized you’re serious. “What, Veronica? What do you want from me?” “Wake up and realize how ridiculous you’re being!” “You chose to stand by your dad!” “He’s my dad! What do you expect?”

People have begun to gather around, you - you’d forgotten for a moment where you were. But people be damned, this needed to happen and there was no stopping it now. “You let him go after Jake Kane!” “I have no control over what happens.”“But you agree with him!” “Says who? You’ve never bothered to ask!” “He’s your dad, Veronica. Of _course_ you do.” “We are _not_ our parents, Logan _.”_

His eyes widen in horror and as you realize what you just said. Not backtracking - because you didn’t mean it like _that,_ but now that he’s gone _there_ \- you take a deep breath and step forward. “I am not my father.”

His eyes roam your face for answers. _And you are not yours,_ you add silently. _You really believe that?_ You grab his hand quickly and squeeze, hoping that’s answer enough, before walking as fast as you can away from everyone.

You grab a drink someone shoves in your face as you pass by. Looking down in the cup - it looks like coke - you decide liquid courage is on the menu tonight, and down it in one giant gulp. Your mother would be so proud.

* * *

  

You wake up to the sounds of shouting - screaming is more like it. Your eyelids feel heavy, but you’re able to look around and make out that you are by the pool on a lounge chair, with Logan standing next to it, his back towards you.

He’s shouting at the group of guys hovering around you; you’re confused as to why, until your hand skims your neck as you tuck your hair back, and you feel something course, like sand, all over it.

“A Salt Lick? What the fuck is _wrong_ with you? Get the fuck outta here before you all get my foot up your ass! _Go_!” He turns back to you and bends down hastily, cupping your face in his hands and turning your head so you’re looking right at him. He searches your eyes quickly before looking at your hand that’s covering your neck. “I’m so sorry, Veronica.”

You nod once before your head lolls forward, your face still in his hands. He drops them and stands, bending down to scoop you up into his arms, presumably to get you out of here. Your faculties are still a bit slow, but you’ve processed enough to know you’ve been drugged. The one drink you had earlier was weak, even for you.

* * *

 

You must blackout again, because when you come to, you’re parked at Dog Beach, the last place the Fab Four was all together and happy. It must nearing dawn because the stars are beginning to fade.

You spot Logan sitting along the wall that separates the beach from the parking lot. You need him to get you to Neptune General, so you slowly climb out of the car and head towards him.

Sitting down next to him, he doesn’t look at you - his gaze is locked on the horizon, his face a little puffy, as if he’d been crying. Joining him, you stare out at the ocean. “I need you to take me to the hospital.” “I just needed to calm down first.” “I know. It’s OK.”

He sniffles a bit, running his hands through his hair before looking down at his dangling feet. You wait him out - you can tell this is about to be a pivotal moment. “I’m sorry, Veronica. I should have never blamed you for - “ “I know. I’m sorry too. I should have tried to explain.” “No, I should have listened.” “Logan, I trust my dad. He wouldn’t do anything without proof.” “I can’t believe that could be true. Jake would never -” “I know. I struggle with it too.”

You fall into silence, something you’re both comfortable with around each other. You aren’t sure what conversation means, but Logan has come through once again, and that’s enough for now. “So...what now?”

He turns to look at you, you can see the worry on his face, mirroring your own, you’re sure. You’re afraid he’s gonna say you can’t salvage your friendship, that he can’t be around you because of the decisions your dad made. _Are we gonna be OK?_

But then he squeezes your hand once for yes, and you think that maybe everything _will_ be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Three cheers to EllieBear for organizing this!


End file.
